Season 3 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives finally let Jessi Ngatikaura share her side of the story after coming clean about having an affair with Marciano Brunette while married to husband Jordan Ngatikaura — and she’s revealing even more details with Us Weekly.
“It was surreal [rewatching season 3 back],” Jessi, 33, exclusively told Us Weekly in this week’s issue ahead of the show’s return on Thursday, November 12. “I feel like half the time I could just tell I was struggling. I just felt like I was empty when I was watching it. So that was really hard for me — especially because I know the emotion I was feeling in certain scenes. But it also was kind of therapeutic to watch it back and see it from a different lens because it’s now been a few months and I healed a little more.”
As viewers know, Vanderpump Villa’s Marciano, 32, claimed at the end of season 2 that he had an affair with Jessi. In the new episodes, she clarified in that it was purely emotional with the exception of one kiss.
“I wouldn’t say I was in love with him. It only lasted about two weeks so it was quick. But I will say I confided in him a lot,” Jessi explained. “The dynamic with Jordan that I had had in my marriage, I hadn’t really talked to anyone about it. My family and friends had been aware because they’d seen things but I tried to be like, ‘Everything’s fine.’”
Jessi recalled sharing her marriage struggles with Marciano, including how Jordan “treated” her.
“I did feel a connection to him in that sense because he was there for me and he made me feel special,” she said. “Jordan would put me down a lot. Marciano told me how pretty and cool and fun I was. I felt like there was a connection there because he was giving me something I was lacking. But I wouldn’t say I was in love with him.”
After a two-week long emotional affair, Jessi came clean to Jordan about Marciano.
“Jordan found out when he went through my phone and put an end to it. But it was a blessing in disguise because it needed to end,” she told Us. “I did not want to carry this on for months or years. I didn’t know how to get out of it.”
Jessi said it “was good” that Jordan, 31, put a stop to it. She also noted that he did not speak to Marciano — and the couple thought that they could keep the situation under wraps.
“I was naive and I thought I could keep it a secret. Jordan and I just never told anyone,” she recalled. “It would never get out. I underestimated Marciano. I didn’t realize he was going to tell anyone and then lie about it.”
Jessi blamed Marciano’s emotions for appearing in the season 2 finale to reveal their story.
“He was hurt that I ended what we had and so it was his way of getting revenge — or just maybe telling my story to make himself feel better. But I definitely know that Demi [Engemann] was a part of it as well,” Jessi claimed.” She was coaching him. They were talking a lot, and she was a big part of him exaggerating my story and talking about it in the first place.”
After reuniting in season 3 to take a lie detector test — and sharing a flirty moment or two — Jessi hasn’t spoken to Marciano “in over six months” and has “blocked him” on every platform to prevent contact.
“The thing is, it honestly could have been anyone [that I had an affair with]. I was in such a bad place with my marriage and my self esteem. He was just showing me attention,” Jessi said. “That was enough for me. At the moment, Jordan had put me down a lot and I just needed someone who was willing to prop me up a little bit and give me that attention and love. So he can be charming and he’s a little slimy, for sure. But he can also be attentive and he was showing me that.”
Jessi and Jordan, who wed in 2020, share kids Jagger, 5, and Jovi, 2, and have been going through a rough patch for a while.
“Jordan and I talked about divorce a lot over the last four years. There were moments I almost filed. There were moments I really felt like that was going to happen but I have two kids and I was always just really scared,” she admitted. “Jordan also made it clear that wasn’t an option. So I just always felt like I was stuck.”
The JZ Styles co-owner clarified that she is “not condoning” what she did.
“I am not trying to give it a reason or an excuse. I shouldn’t have done it. But looking back, I think it was a subconscious cry for help,” ” Jessi recalled. “’If I do something so intense and serious, maybe I’ll have no choice and a divorce will happen.’ I didn’t do it thinking that, but looking back, I think I felt like that was the only way I could get out of what I was in when he found out about the affair.”
The twosome spent the next six months experiencing more lows.
“In those six months, I thought about leaving him a lot. But I had this secret and I was like, ‘If I leave him, this secret is going to come out.’ I was in such a hard place,” she told Us. “If you watch the show, I feel like the first couple of episodes, Jordan and I really tried to just make it about the affair. We didn’t talk about Jordan’s behavior. But it became more and more obvious, and it was almost like I had no choice but to share with them why I was in this head space.”
The couple have since put in the word to repair their relationship. Jessi explained that they are officially “back together” and things are a work in progress.
“They’re getting better. I will say that this coming out — and us having to film about it — has been forced therapy. We had to talk about things we were sweeping under the rug. We’ve been in therapy since all of this and that’s helped a lot,” she detailed. “There’s things I needed to work on, there’s things Jordan needed to work on and we’re both actively doing that. We’re both making steps to improve and get better.”
She concluded: “I feel like it’s going to be a journey that takes time. We’re trying to make it work and we are just taking it day by day to see if we can make those changes happen.”
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is currently streaming on Hulu.
