It’s every parent’s worst nightmare — the moment your bedroom door creaks open mid-coitus and your kid catches a glimpse of something they can never unsee.
“Don’t panic,” sex therapist and neuroscience researcher Dr. Nan Wise, PhD, recently told PureWow in an interview.
“This is going to happen probably at some point over the course of being a parent…pause, take a deep breath and keep that in mind before you do.”
According to experts, the one thing you shouldn’t say is anything that implies shame, fear or that your kid did something wrong.
“No matter what age your child is at the time, do not yell, get angry or act ashamed,” wrote Dr. Lea Lis, MD, aka The Shameless Psychiatrist, as per Psychology Today.
“Sex is natural…kids pick up immediately on your emotional reactions, and the weirder you act, the more fearful or ‘grossed out’ they will be.”
Instead, Wise recommends making sure your child is okay.
Asking “Are you alright?” buys you time to compose yourself — and to yank the comforter back where it belongs. Then, calmly escort them out.
For a toddler? Gently guide them back to bed.
For an older child? She says to try: “Everything’s okay, honey. We just need some privacy. Wait for me outside and I’ll come talk to you.”
If your child is old enough to clock what just happened — lightly filtered honesty is your best friend.
“You walked in on mommy and daddy when we were having some private time, and grown-ups who love each other sometimes have this kind of physical connection…but it’s just for grown-ups,” Wise encouraged.
Lis agrees that honesty is key here.
“We were having sex, which is what grown-ups do when they care about each other. But we need privacy, so that is why we lock the door or close it. And that is why you should always knock,” she advised parents to say.
And if you forgot to lock the door, own it — gently.
“Just reassure them they did nothing wrong and calmly say, ‘Oh, you know we probably should have locked the door,’” Wise said.
