Is this a not-so-grand plan?
In recent years, a new kind of baby shower has taken root — not for the parents-to-be, but for the grandparents.
“Grandma showers” or “grandbaby showers” aim to celebrate growing lineage, especially those about to welcome their child’s first offspring. While some view it as a heartwarming way to honor a new chapter in life, others criticize it as an inappropriate — even narcissistic — trend that shifts focus away from the growing family.
“It’s a big deal to become a new grandparent and it deserves to be celebrated, but it’s not the same as becoming a parent,” seasoned grandmom-of-three DeeDee Moore told TODAY.
In a recent TikTok video, Moore posed the divisive question “What do you think about granny showers?” and offered two positions: “Opinion one: Grandmother showers are a lovely way to welcome a friend or co-worker into their new role. Opinion two: Granny showers are inappropriate and tacky gift grabs. So, which is it?”
And it’s that last part, especially — the gift expectations — that has people talking.
Traditionally, baby showers were created to support new parents, often younger couples who needed help setting up a nursery. As Moore points out, that doesn’t always translate well to grandparents, who often are more financially stable and don’t necessarily need as much.
“It’s harder to justify a shower for a grandmother who can likely afford most of the things she needs and probably won’t need that many things to begin with,” said Moore, who runs the advice site More Than Grand.
The conversation exploded on TikTok, where responses ranged from supportive to scathing.
Some called the idea “peak narcissism,” while others were puzzled by the notion of a “new role” deserving gifts.
“Inappropriate and tacky. If the person is becoming a grandparent, they’ve already had their own children,” one person wrote. “The grandchild isn’t a ‘do-over’ for them.”
Still, not everyone is against the idea.
“I’ve never heard of it, but I think it’s great,” one commenter wrote. Others suggested smaller, more intimate gatherings: “A cute lunch with some goodies would be great.”
For some, the showers are deeply meaningful.
Alexandra Rugh shared the touching story of her great-grandmother’s surprise “grandma shower” organized by her sewing group.
The celebration, held shortly before heart surgery, gave her a sense of joy and purpose during a difficult time. “At 73 years old, my Nannie didn’t know if she would make it through the surgery,” Rugh told HuffPost.
“Her biggest fear was dying and not being able to hold her first and only great-grandchild. I’m happy to say that Nannie survived the surgery and was able to hold my daughter in her arms when she was just 1 week old.”
Others haven’t had such positive experiences — but, according to etiquette experts, the key is balance.
Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute believes small gatherings to acknowledge grandparents can be sweet, but cautions against anything that mimics the formality or scale of a traditional baby shower.
“It’s really awesome to celebrate new grandparents,” she told HuffPost.
“But we caution people against throwing parties like this and having them get out of control.”
Moore suggests alternatives, like “meal-prep showers,” where friends prepare food for the new parents while also celebrating the grandparents’ new role.
But, like many evolving traditions, granny showers walk a fine line between heartfelt and over-the-top.
At their best, they’re joyful celebrations of a new life stage. At their worst, they risk overshadowing the very people at the heart of the occasion: the parents and their baby.
Context is everything. A small get-together with close friends? Lovely. A full-blown registry and event that rivals the main baby shower? Maybe not.
In the end, experts say the rule of thumb is simple: celebrate thoughtfully — and keep the baby, not the spotlight, at the center.
