DEAR ABBY: I have known “Sheila” for 30 years. We were once dear friends. She was always a social drinker.
Twelve years ago, she lost her husband to cancer and began drinking increasingly heavily. Sheila’s now an alcoholic.
Friends and family have tried many times to help her. She went to rehab twice to appease her daughter.
She tried AA but said she wasn’t comfortable there. She had an in-home program for months but went through the motions only until it was done.
Over the last three years, Sheila has passed out, fallen and smashed her face and accidentally burned down her house.
She has been taken to the hospital by ambulance a number of times, and most recently, got her second DUI conviction.
My problem is, she phones me every week to chitchat about various everyday topics like nothing has happened.
If I try to talk about her issues, Sheila says she’s sorry and will do better, and then changes the subject. Our conversations are making me sad and angry.
Should I finally confront her, or just cut her out of my life? I have tried to be caring and supportive when most of her other friends have written her off, but I’m ready to give up. — FINISHED IN MAINE
DEAR FINISHED: Tell Sheila that although you care about her, you are no longer willing to stand by and watch her try to kill herself, because that is what she has been doing.
Tell her you would love to continue talking with her, but only once she has confronted her serious alcohol problem AND has started on the road to recovery. (Tell her daughter the same thing.)
Sometimes, an addict must hit rock bottom before they realize what their habit has cost them.
DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I was to fly across the country with my husband to attend my nephew’s wedding.
It was a very special event because my nephew had never been married and seemed to be a confirmed bachelor.
After we arrived at the airport and were about to check in, I realized I hadn’t brought my identification. I told my husband to board the flight without me.
When my husband arrived, he told his brother that I wasn’t there because I had forgotten my identification.
My brother-in-law told my husband he would tell his wife that I was sick, and my husband agreed. I was furious with my husband when I found out.
I had told my husband to tell my sister-in-law (who is my friend) that I had forgotten my identification. I am also angry at my brother-in-law for lying about me.
Should I tell my sister-in-law the truth and let her know her husband lied about me? — NO-SHOW IN VIRGINIA
DEAR NO-SHOW: A better way to phrase it would be to tell your sister-in-law (who is your friend) that you couldn’t get on the plane because you forgot your ID, and still can’t figure out why your husband and hers didn’t give her the real reason.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
