DEAR ABBY: I recently turned 30, and I find myself in kind of a “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” situation, specifically the scene where Toula’s father has invited several Greek men to dinner to try to persuade her to marry one of them. I told my father I am not interested in dating, but he and his boss keep telling me about single Romanian men in their 30s, and Dad wants me to “get married and make babies.” How do I politely tell him I am happier and healthier as a single woman, as opposed to being married and a mother when I know FOR SURE I don’t want to be one?
For the last 10 years, I have helped out with my twin nephews. I am their main babysitter/nanny. I try to answer my nephews’ questions about life within their parents’ worldviews, and I clean both my brother’s and my nephews’ mother’s apartments. My decision to remain single and childless hasn’t been decided lightly. How can I politely tell my father that I do not want to date anyone, even if some of them are very nice guys? — ROMANIAN CAT LADY
DEAR LADY: At the age of 30, you should be able to make up your own mind about what you would like your future to be, without arm-twisting or “help” from your father. How about telling him in plain English (or Romanian) exactly what you have told me? From where I sit, for the last 10 years you have been subjected to an extra-large dose of parenting and housekeeping. If that “taste” isn’t for you, speak up and say so.
You didn’t mention what your living situation is, but if you are still living under your parents’ roof, recognize it’s time to establish your independence and move out on your own.
DEAR ABBY: A family member moved here from out of state for work and is staying with us. Unfortunately, a few weeks after their big move, my spouse had a stroke. He is now home from the hospital. We had already offered this family member free room and board to help with the transition to their new job, but I never dreamed a medical emergency would happen.
I want to enjoy my life with my spouse in private without houseguest stress. I would like the family member to sell their old home and get an apartment or buy another home close to their new job soon. Any suggestions on how to speed up the move without causing tension in the family? How do I set a move-out deadline? — SEEKING A SOLUTION IN THE WEST
DEAR SEEKING: Because of the change in your spouse’s health status, your desire for privacy is understandable. Have a talk with your family member. Explain that circumstances have changed since you issued the invitation to stay with you, and ask whether this person’s job is supposed to be a permanent one. If it is permanent rather than temporary, it wouldn’t be nervy to recommend selling their house to buy one nearby.
If it isn’t permanent, then renting an apartment would make sense. Offer to help your relative find one. The conversation needn’t be confrontational and shouldn’t cause tension. The two of you should be able to agree on a deadline to move.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
