Hilaria Baldwin had concerns about what could happen to her and husband Alec Baldwin during his high-profile trial.

During the Sunday, March 9, episode of The Baldwins, Alec, 66, and Hilaria, 41, returned home after his charges in the Rust trial were dismissed. Hilaria admitted that she wasn’t sure what the outcome would be, telling the cameras, “This is going to sound so stupid but I wrote the kids — that I left here — little letters and hid them. I told my friend where they were in case something happened to us.”

Alec and Hilaria share seven children together: Carmen, 11, Rafael, 9, Leonardo, 8, Romeo, 6, Eduardo, 4, María, 4 and Ilaria, 2. Their eldest previously voiced her concerns on screen about the legal issues involving her father.

“Carmen asked me last night, ‘When daddy goes to New Mexico, do I say goodbye to him? Do I say goodbye to him in a special way?’” Hilaria recalled in a March episode before getting emotional. “[She was so afraid] that when Alec and I go into court that somebody is going to shoot us.”

Related: Alec, Hilaria Baldwin’s Candid Quotes About ‘Rust’ Shooting, Halyna Hutchins

XNY/Star Max/GC Images TLC’s The Baldwins offered Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Baldwin the chance to share their unfiltered thoughts on cinematographer Halyna Hutchins‘ death on the set of Rust. Before the reality series debuted in February, Alec, 66, and Hilaria’s candid quotes about the tragic incident were featured in the official trailer. The couple continued […]

Hilaria also recalled how much Alec struggled in the initial months. “I found these text messages the other day between us and the day after he said he wanted to kill himself,” she revealed. “He has survivor’s guilt. … He wishes it were him. He would change places in a second.”

Hilaria Baldwin Wrote Her Kids Letters in Case Something Happened to Her and Alec Amid Rust Trial 938
Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Universal Pictures

She continued: “This has affected his health and his mental health tremendously. In the past few years, he has had heart problems and, multiple times, he fainted.”

Alec was originally charged in January 2023 with involuntary manslaughter in cinematographer Halyna Hutchins‘ death. The actor was holding the prop gun that was fired on the movie set in October 2021, which killed Hutchins and injured director Joel Souza, but has insisted he’s not responsible for the incident.

Alec pleaded not guilty and the charges were dropped in April 2023, but he was indicted again in connection with the death of Hutchins, who was 42 when she died. The second case was ultimately dismissed by the judge and Alec has since filed a lawsuit accusing the prosecution team of malicious prosecution and civil rights violations.

Related: Alec Baldwin‘s Biggest Scandals and Controversies Through the Years

Alec Baldwin has had his fair share of scandals over the course of his life in the public eye. From two arrests to the infamous voicemail he left his daughter Ireland Baldwin, the 30 Rock alum has often made headlines for his controversial behavior — and perhaps never more serious than when he was involved in the fatal […]

“The past three years has been a significant chunk of my children’s lives,” Hilaria shared on their TLC series in February. “Our older ones were much younger, but have had the awareness because of their age to be able to understand what’s going on. The youngest three don’t know a life without this.”

Alec, meanwhile, reflected on how “everything was so different before” the shooting. “Our lives are very, very different,” he said. “Our children have been forced to recognize that. They’ve been forced to deal with that, with us, in their own way.”

The Baldwins airs on TLC Sundays at 10 p.m. ET.

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