She’s got the receipts — and the rage.
A fed-up mom is going viral after revealing the not-so-sexy equation behind her nonexistent libido, or sex drive — and some men are fuming.
“(Hours of Sleep + Number of Real Meals Eaten While Seated) x Partner Support ÷ Number of Annoying Comments He Made — Number of Times Touched by Children = Mom Libido,” Houston-based mom-of-two Maddie Muhs calculated in a now-viral Instagram video, uploaded last month.
And the answer?
“Not an f—ing chance,” she concluded, after walking through a sample calculation that included eight hours of sleep, three full meals, helpful husband duties — and about a thousand toddler touches.
Muhs, a talent agent and mom of two toddlers, says her husband had “no notes” on the formula — though he warned she’d “piss off a lot of men.”
“And I did,” she told Today.com in a recent interview.
In fact, her post turned into a full-blown battle, with some people cheering in the comment section: “Yes!!! I just sent this to my husband!”
Some joked, “We gotta find a way to add in how long the husband takes to poop.”
“Women in stem,” wrote someone else.
Others were furious and branded the mom “a trap.”
“Don’t get married and have kids if you refuse to meet your husband’s needs. Definition of a trap right there. No love in your relationship,” one commented.
Another whined: “Women using this as an excuse to not have sex with their husband, but also don’t want their husband having sex with anyone else.”
Muhs, who says post-baby pressure isn’t just about snapping back into pre-baby jeans — but into bed — pointed out to the outlet that “male hormones are wired one way — it’s always sex, sex, sex.”
But for moms? Hormones, exhaustion and clingy kids are part of the “touched out” cocktail.
As The Post previously reported, Aussie sex therapist Aleks Trkuljia says libido isn’t one-size-fits-all — and comparing yours to someone else’s is a losing game.
Instead, she urges folks to watch for shifts in their own desire or a drop in intimacy compared to what used to be the norm — and communicate their needs to their partner.
If you’re ever trying to reignite a spark, it’s also best to figure out what snuffed it out to begin with.
“If you’re in a context where the quality of your relationship is high and there’s a sense of physical, spiritual and psychological safety, then you’re likely to be more open to a sense of desire and libido,” she explained to News.com.au.
Apart from self-discovery and being open with your beau about your needs, there also might be another solution regarding a decrease in libido — scheduling your romps.
As The Post previously dished, penciling in hanky-panky a few times a week has been the secret sauce keeping one Upper West Side couple going strong for 31 years.
“It’s made our relationship one million times better,” Jay Lyons, an Emmy-winning director and producer, said.
He and his wife Sofia, now in their early 50s, started calendar sex not long after saying “I do” and popping out two kids in the ’90s.
They’re part of the 14% of couples who swear by sultry scheduled sessions, according to The Knot.
Even celebs are on the clock — Jenna Bush Hager and Amy Schumer both admit to timing their trysts, while Nick and Vanessa Lachey lock in “hump day” for exactly that.
Turns out, the real secret to keeping the flame alive might just be setting an alarm for it.
