With just two words, Courtney Palmer, a stay-at-home mom and housewife, sparked debate about chivalry, common courtesy and gender roles in modern relationships.
On June 21, the 37-year-old posted a TikTok to her account, @jojoejoelle, that garnered over 4.5 million views — and plenty of critical comments.
In the nearly six-minute-long video, Palmer details what she has divisively labeled the “princess treatment.”
“If I am at a restaurant with my husband, I do not talk to the hostess, I do not open any doors, and I do not order my own food,” she said. She also addressed minutiae, like what to do at the coat check, at the valet, and at the host stand when your husband is checking on the reservation.
“It’s giving cult or hostage situation,” wrote one hater.
Apparently anticipating the wave of criticism while filming the video, Palmer said: “This isn’t out of, like, a … ‘I’m better than them, or I don’t need to talk to them.’ It’s not in any sense like you’re better than the [staff].
“You’re just letting your husband lead and be masculine,” she declared.
“He made the reservation, he’s taking you out — let him do the logistics. You’re just being a princess, you’re not being hoity-toity; you’re just letting him take care of it,” she explained.
Once the comments calling her out for being rude rolled in, Palmer took to the replies to elaborate.
“Of course, I say ‘thank you’ and smile to whoever is serving us, etc. I’m not mute the entire evening out. I’m talking about two very small interactions the whole night,” she wrote. “You don’t ignore the hostess if they speak directly to you.”
The gendered element of the relationship dynamics involved in her “princess treatment” came up again later in the video.
“The most elegant, lovely women are often soft-spoken and don’t overspeak,” she said. “They’re not loud. You’re not going to be laughing loudly, talking loudly, or demanding the attention of the room.”
The content creator also added that sometimes she does get strange looks and said that she thinks that restaurant staff members “think that I’m being like oppressed or something … I don’t know.”
Palmer said that this kind of attitude and relationship dynamic — which could be labeled a tradwife ideal — is “just fun” and helps her relax while she’s out enjoying time with her husband.
“You’re already having to do so much, and your brain is constantly already on as a housewife, stay-at-home mom, so in those little moments, it’s really just so lovely to let your husband do that for you. It makes me feel special and over-the-top taken care of,” explained the princess herself.
The content creator has long been posting about what “princess treatment” entails, but this specific video attracted an especially scathing response, which included thousands of hate comments and countless parody videos.
“I know this is going to be ripped apart. People just take things the wrong way, but that’s how I handle it,” she prefaced in the viral video.
The tradwife movement has been growing online, but a majority of TikTok users — especially the ones in Palmer’s comments — are wary of it.
In a recent interview with the New York Times, Palmer said that she felt as though her viral TikTok had been misunderstood. She added that being a stay-at-home mom and a housewife has its own demands, and mindsets like “princess treatment” help her “lean into her femininity.”
Of course, this ethos isn’t a one-size-fits-all for relationships, and people sounded off in the comments of the original viral post with their own experiences.
“As a man, this gives Stepford Wife! If it works for you, then great, but women have fought against this treatment for years now?!” one individual said. “I only agree with the opening doors part!”
“Women do not need to be quiet and soft!! They can be strong and affirmative,” another commented.
However, some women saw the appeal.
“It’s not a control thing, it’s just nice,” one like-minded woman replied.
“I 100% do the same for date night. It is not about not having a voice. He and I both know I can do this without him, but how nice is it just to relax and let him handle it?” said another.
“If these actions are done by a controlling and condescending man it would be terrible! But if these actions come from a man who commits to you, respects, honors, protects, is gentle, and takes care of you emotionally, it is SO GREAT,” one commenter said.
