Hold your nose — and maybe hold off on that beach day.
More than 60% of U.S. beaches tested in 2024 had at least one day where the water was so full of fecal bacteria that it failed federal safety standards, according to a new report by Environment America’s Research & Policy Center.
That’s 1,930 beaches out of 3,187 that were dirtier than your dog after a mud run.
The top offenders? The Gulf Coast, where a whopping 84% of beaches had at least one “poo-lution” problem day, followed by the West Coast (79%) and the Great Lakes (71%).
The East Coast didn’t exactly sparkle — 54% were flagged for contamination.
Only Alaska and Hawaii offered a relatively clean sweep, with just 10% of beaches testing unsafe.
How bad is it? Nearly 1 in 7 beaches showed potentially dangerous levels of fecal contamination on a quarter of all testing days, the report found.
And the fun doesn’t stop at dirty data. Swimming in these murky waters could bring a not-so-sunny side of summer — think gastrointestinal illnesses, respiratory issues, ear infections, and skin rashes. The report estimates 57 million related cases hit Americans each year, most of which go unreported — or unremembered once the vacation tan fades.
“Enjoying the fresh sea breeze and splash of waves at the beach is a highlight of the summer for many Americans,” said John Rumpler, clean water director for Environment America Research & Policy Center. “But pollution still plagues too many of the places where we swim.”
As previously reported by The Post, New York’s own Windmill Beach in Sag Harbor made national headlines for being one of the top 10 most bacteria-ridden beaches in the country — with a stomach-churning 43% contamination rate.
It’s not the Hamptons souvenir you want to bring home.
In fact, over half of New York’s beaches were found to be contaminated with poop or sewage last year, according to a previous Environment America report. Déjà poo, anyone?
Adding insult to injury? Federal funding to fix this mess is circling the drain.
The Clean Water State Revolving Fund, which helps communities upgrade aging sewer and stormwater systems, needs $630 billion over the next two decades, per the EPA.
But the White House’s 2026 budget proposal would slash it.
“Now is not the time to slash the water infrastructure funding that communities sorely need to stop the flow of nasty bacteria and pollution to our beaches,” Rumpler warned.
And it’s not just the infrastructure getting flushed — beachgoers themselves aren’t helping.
As The Post previously dished, a staggering 70% of Americans admit to peeing in the ocean, and 1 in 4 admit to littering, even though 82% say it’s the most annoying beach behavior.
So before you cannonball into your local shoreline this summer, maybe check if it’s a splash zone — or a crap trap.
