Everyone approaches parenting in their own way.
But what happens when you disagree with what someone is doing? Or, you’re even worried that it could be crossing a harmful line?
One woman is seeking people’s advice after she babysat her brother’s child and was concerned by what took place.
Posting on in a parenting group, she explained that she was looking after her six-year-old nephew, while her brother and sister-in-law went out for dinner.
When they were playing, the little boy broke a glass figurine. He immediately burst into tears and begged his aunt not to tell his mom, saying that he would be given “quiet time.”
“I asked what ‘quiet time’ meant, and [he] explained that when he misbehaves, he’s made to kneel facing a wall for an hour, sometimes longer if he cries or moves. If he speaks, she adds more time.”
She said she was “shocked” by this admission and decided to have a private conversation with her brother. Apparently, her brother defended their actions and said his son was being “dramatic.”
Not satisfied with this, the aunt followed up directly with her SIL, expressing that she was worried the punishment could be “abusive.”
“She completely flipped out, saying I had no right to question her parenting when I don’t have kids,” the OP wrote.
“She accused me of trying to sabotage their relationship and twisting a child’s words.”
Now, the family is split on how to deal with the fractures, with their parents believing their son is owed an apology.
“If it’s for an hour — report it”
According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, forcing a child to kneel in uncomfortable positions could be considered abuse. However, just like what’s going on in this situation, there are varying attitudes on what could be considered harmful and “reasonable and acceptable” for discipline.
People commenting on the post were quick to highlight this, as well as their concern about the boy’s reaction to a simple mistake.
“An hour on his knees?!?! As a mom myself, I am horrified. Also, he accidentally broke something and started crying because he was scared of his mom,” one noted.
The OP agreed, saying that it “broke her heart” to see his distress.
“I was shocked too when [he] explained it… I’m still trying to figure out how to stay involved in his life.”
Another suggested clarifying exactly how long the punishment could last, as kids’ “perception of time” could be slightly distorted.
“I recall five minutes seeming like a LONG time when I was that age,” they wrote, “but kneeling against a wall for a whole hour… that needs to be reported.”
Others advised that if she had her time again, it might be wise not to raise it with the mother, for fear the child could be punished further. Instead, they suggested getting in touch with child protection services.
The Australian Institute of Family Studies backs up this approach, advising that people should maintain the confidentiality of children who disclose instances of abuse and not confront the person causing the harm.
They recommend reporting any concerns to relevant authorities and any other “necessary people” involved in their care.
