No one goes there quite like Nikki Glaser.
While the comedian made major headlines in May 2024 for her epic set at The Roast of Tom Brady, which streamed live on Netflix, it certainly wasn’t the first time she came for some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Glaser was also a force at Comedy Central roasts for Rob Lowe, Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. She’s since given insight into how she prepares for the big events, revealing she practices her jokes at stand-up sets for weeks leading up to the taping.
Glaser is taking the same approach for the 2025 Golden Globes, which she’ll host on January 5.
“I have I think nine shows between now and Sunday, because I want to keep testing out jokes and I want to keep getting the monologue in the [most] perfect place it can be,” Glaser told The Hollywood Reporter days before the ceremony. “Not every host does that. I’m lucky enough to be a comedian who can go and find these rehearsal spaces in front of a live audience, and I trust my audience members to not leak jokes or tell anyone. And we have enough jokes that even if they do, I’ll be OK.”
From Brady to Cybill Shepherd to Joseph Gordon-Levitt, keep reading for some of Glaser’s most savage jokes over the years:
Jewel
“Jewel is here, so as I call her, Trailer Swift. Jewel, I do not want to badmouth you since God already did. … Your teeth are like the Spice Girls, they’re all different colors and doing their own things.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Peyton Manning
“I love you in commercials. I’d say you’re the greatest of all time. You’re like the Tom Brady of commercials. Like, the greatest.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Rob Lowe
“Rob defies age … restrictions. God, I had such a crush on you when I was a little girl. If only I had known that’s when I had my best shot.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Martha Stewart
“Martha Stewart, shank you for being here . … I’m a huge fan and my mom is an even bigger fan. My mom has learned everything from Martha Stewart, including cooking, cleaning, and withholding affection.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
“He’s so cute, so adorable. I bet you eat p—y, but only with the crust cut off first. Isn’t that his look? Speaking of crusty p—-y, I’ll get to you in a second, Cybill.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Cybill Shepherd
“Cybill’s gorgeous. I’m, like, honored to meet her. Her resume is insane — model, actor, singer, you name it. She’s f—-ed it.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Bruce Willis
“Your daughters must be so proud of their father … Ashton Kutcher.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Caitlyn Jenner
“You are such an incredible athlete. People forget just how fast you once ran … from your first family to go be on a reality show. Seriously, I know being a new mom is hard, but even Casey Anthony knows the current location of her daughter.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Blake Griffin
“Blake, you look like a Black guy that got made by a printer running out of ink. Yeah. Chris Redd is here because Comedy Central wasn’t sure if Blake was Black or not.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Alec Baldwin
“Alec Baldwin, what an honor to be here roasting Justin Bieber’s wife’s oldest, fattest uncle. I’ll never forget that voicemail when you called your daughter Ireland a thoughtless little pig. It’s got to be one of the worst things you can call your daughter — after Ireland, actually. That name, yikes.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Kevin Hart
“No one works harder than this man. Do you know that every morning Kevin wakes up at 4 a.m. to make a shitty movie? No, I love your movies. Or as I call them ‘short films.’ No, I’m kidding. I hate them. No, sorry, Kevin, I don’t mean to belittle you, but you ‘be little,’ man. Like, you’re a tiny guy. Kevin is 5’2’’, 150 pounds. Um, 155 after The Rock finishes.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Drew Bledsoe
“But let’s get to the reason we’re all here tonight. Uh, Drew Bledsoe. ‘Drew bled so Tom could run.’ But I’m gonna move on from you, just like your team did after you almost died.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Tom Brady
“Tom Brady, five-time Super Bowl MVP, most career wins, most career touchdowns, you have seven rings. … Well, eight now that Gisele gave hers back, but … Tom, the only thing dumber than you saying yes to this roast was when you said, ‘Hey, babe, you should try jujitsu.’” (Roast of Tom Brady)
“I mean, you’re the best to ever play for too long. I mean … you retired, then you came back, and then you retired again. I get it. Hard to walk away from something that’s not your pregnant girlfriend. Hey. To be fair, he didn’t know she was pregnant. He just thought she was getting fat.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Rob Gronkowski
“Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? I mean, even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money.’” (Roast of Tom Brady)
