Alexa PenaVega is reflecting on the death of her and husband Carlos PenaVega’s stillborn daughter one year later.
“This was the most painful moment I have ever experienced. I remember it feeling so hard to breathe. Such a deep aching pain… How was this real? It didn’t feel real. Every emotion flooded in at once,” Alexa, 36, wrote via Instagram on Sunday, April 13. “And yet, despite devastating loss, we felt so held… so covered… a super natural peace. It was all out of our control. We had to give it all over to God. The burden was too heavy for us to carry so He took the weight off of us and draped us in His peace.”
Alexa also shared an emotional image of her cradling the infant in her arms while in the hospital. A box of tissues were positioned on the chair with Alexa as she gazed at their baby, who the couple named Indy.
“Over this last year we have watched LIFE come out of her life. We watched people heal because of Indy. We watched grief lifted because of Indy,” she continued. “We watched relationships be restored… God gave her life SO MUCH FRUIT … so much meaning and purpose. Our sweet girl is celebrating with Jesus today. And While we still mourn and wish we had her in our arms… we know she is waiting for us in a place that is beyond anything we can imagine. Jeremiah 29:11.”
Alexa and Carlos, 35 — who tied the knot in 2014 — also honored Indy with a black-and-white photo of their three children holding up an image of their late sibling. (The pair are parents to sons Ocean, Kingston and daughter Rio, whom they welcomed in 2016, 2019 and 2021, respectively.)
“Happy heavenly birthday Indy girl. 🤍,” Alexa and Carlos captioned their Sunday Instagram post. “Our little world changer. Psalm 34:18.”
Nearly one year after the stillbirth, Alexa and Carlos reflected on their baby’s death in a January interview with Stream Studios. Alexa shared that the “peace” they felt after losing Indy “really doesn’t make sense” since the experience was “so painful.”
“It’s still painful. And what I’m about to say is going to sound crazy, but we felt so blessed through it. Her life has had so much fruit in just moments of being with her,” Alexa said. “After we lost her, I was concerned that in time I wouldn’t be OK. That even though I’m OK right now — and Lord you’re sustaining me, everything is good — but what’s going to happen a couple weeks from now? What’s going to happen a month from now?”
Alexa claimed that she went through a “really deep” and “intense” therapy and had an encounter with God as she healed.
“Through one of those experiences, you’re supposed to explain what you see. And I closed my eyes and the Lord gave me this insane vision,” she said. “I was laying in the bed and Indy was next to me and they were trying to resuscitate her. The room was filled with angels around every single person in the room.”
She continued, “But Indy was in God’s arms. But she was alive in his arms. Even though she was no longer living next to me, she was alive in his arms. But God was weeping. All the angels were weeping. They weren’t like, ‘It’s OK, we have her, she’s safe.’ They were weeping for us.”
Alexa noted that the experience altered her perspective on God. “When we weep, he weeps because he’s heartbroken for his children,” she said. “Even though he knew that she was fully alive with him and great and happy. He wept for us.”
