On Thursday, a pair of jeans was thrown on my desk like a floppy fish at a sushi market.
What appeared to be a basic, dark-wash pair was a recreation of Marilyn Monroe’s iconic denim from the 1961 movie “The Misfits,” rebuilt by designer Vivian Rivetti for Lee Jeans with a tiny bit more stretch but the same 65-year-old silhouette — high waisted, ankle cuff and all.
The jeans are a part of a new Lee x Marilyn Monroe limited-edition collab, which also features the iconic Lee Storm Rider Jacket and chic white button-down shirt she was famously photographed wearing while sitting in a director’s chair on the set of “The Misfits.”
To be frank, these $109 Marilyn jeans looked, to quote my adolescent tormenters, “super f—ing sad” — and I, along with some hesitant colleagues, were asked to wear them around The Post office to see if we felt like the legendary Norma Jean.
As many women often feel when trying on a new pair of jeans, my first reaction once they were zipped and buttoned was “Ow.”
Like all post-pandemic millennials, I am used to the kind of boyish, baggy jeans last seen on the wastoid skaters in Clueless, the looser and softer the better.
These Marilyn jeans hit super high on me — like, past my belly button — and squeezed my waist like a toddler who doesn’t want to leave the park.
Tightest at the butt and ankles, these pants had almost no stretch and, like the most boring guy you’ve ever bedded, they really only bend one way.
Sitting at my desk in them, I notice the dreaded “red line” forming where the zipper and top button hit my body, leaving an irritated rim of hot pink skin along the sides.
It got worse when I ate my sad-desk salad at lunch, and the fiber from some green bell peppers hit my digestive tract. I felt sausaged.
But then I looked in the mirror and the sentiment went from “owww” to “ohhhh.“
My stomach was flatter. My butt was rounder. My cowboy boots peeked out of the cuffed bottoms like a vintage Ralph Lauren ad.
Women in the Post newsroom stopped to tell me I looked “different” with a nod of approval, as if I’ve gotten a therapist and a Gwyneth-approved trainer instead of a cotton-poly blend pair of pants.
This was actually a pretty good deal for $109.
Marilyn Monroe fashion collector and historian Scott Fortner has a theory about why.
He told The Post that costume designers loved putting Marilyn Monroe in jeans because it conveyed a “glamorous but easy, all-American look.”
He noted that the fit of the jeans “would feel a little different” on a modern body because Marilyn’s silhouettes were famously tailored to exaggerate her hourglass figure, comfort be damned.
“In her personal life, she actually didn’t wear jeans very much!” said Fortner. “She wore things that were more comfortable for her — capris and cotton pants and silk Pucci pants.”
These “Misfit” jeans, Fortner explained, “are what people thought Marilyn wore, when they tried to copy her… It’s why you saw women wearing jeans in the 1950s and 1960s. She helped make it glamorous.”
Fortner suspects the Marilyn x Lee jeans “will be a hit” — but my Post colleagues were a mixed bag on whether they were worth “the bombshell tax” of feeling squished and cinched.
Gen Z lifestyle reporter Allison Lax said she liked the vibe — “they gave me a classic look without feeling glaringly retro” — but hit her limit after about two hours sitting in the pants at her desk.
“Moving around in them was great. Sitting in them during work? Not great.” Still, Lax admitted she “loved” the way she looked in the pants. “I’m wearing them on a first date tonight.”
Millennial photo editor Jesaca Lin was more excited about the Lee white button-up shirt part of the collection, saying it was “cool and easy to wear” without looking too casual.
“The jeans look amazing but I’m not totally in love,” she admitted. “I feel like they might be a little too old-school.”
But for Gen X reporter Isabel Vincent, the jeans represented the perfect blend of vintage movie star and modern vixen. “Love them. Love,” she said. “I want to wear them everywhere. They’re easy but not sloppy. They look great. I’m sold.”
But were they able to bring a little bit of Monroe’s bombshell power to the office?
“Nobody will be Marilyn Monroe,” Vincent said. But if channeling her man-eating star power can wean us off our dependence on pajama pant officewear, it’s definitely worth the attempt.
