DEAR ABBY: My 38-year-old daughter attempted suicide a week ago. She had been living with her fiance, and they shared an apartment and had two cats. My wife and I brought her home from the hospital, and she’s staying with us.
Her fiance’s and his family’s reactions have been horrible. Instead of comforting her, they are angry at her about the stress she has caused them. He no longer calls her, and his family has blocked her on their email and social media. He will not go to their apartment.
My daughter was under stress for a long time and had been hiding her issues from her fiance, trying to be the perfect person in front of him. This contributed to her inner turmoil. She now feels she was right to hide everything, since they all abandoned her as soon as they found out she had problems.
I have advised her that the best thing she can do in the long term is end the engagement and never see this fiance or his family again. They have shown themselves to be horrible people. She should not marry a man who abandons her when she most needs him. I have told her this because they are not actually married, and she now has a chance to move forward for a better life. What can I do to help her? — HER DAD
DEAR DAD: Your daughter’s fiance and his family may have done her a favor by demonstrating that in a crisis they would disappear. What your daughter needs now is intensive counseling to help her deal with the issues that drove her to attempt suicide. Help her by being patient and doing everything you can to ensure that she gets it. Keeping the number of the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (988) on hand would be prudent. If you need more support, contact NAMI — the National Alliance on Mental Illness — at nami.org.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 44 years. He was a drinker and smoker for 40 of those years. It’s no surprise we have had our ups and downs. Four children and five grandchildren later, I have finally realized he’s interested in just two things: beer and smoking.
A year ago, they found spots on his lungs. The doctor said the spots were small but need to be checked every year. Shouldn’t that have been a wake-up call? I have begged him to stop both, but he tells me to shut up.
I’m going to tell him I’ll be leaving the house and staying with my daughter. I love him, but I can’t watch him do this anymore. I want to live and enjoy my life. He doesn’t leave the house except to work and buy beer and cigarettes. I have had enough. I have to take what life I have left to enjoy. What do you think, Abby? — HAD ENOUGH IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Truth? I’m surprised your marriage has lasted as long as it has. Your husband is addicted to alcohol and nicotine and is self-destructive. Before packing your bags, it might benefit you to join one of the 12-step support groups for families and friends of addicts because it may assuage any guilt you experience. That said, because your husband refuses to even try to change, I agree it’s time to start taking care of yourself. Watching people harm themselves is soul-killing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
