DEAR ABBY: My fiance, “Dustin,” and I have been a couple for five years. We live together and are fairly happy. The problem is his gaming habits. At first, it wasn’t an issue because I also play the occasional video game. Since moving into our own place, I’ve noticed Dustin has started spending a tremendous amount of time on these video games. From the time he wakes up around 1 p.m. until right after he gets off work around 10 p.m., he’ll log on and play for hours. Most nights he doesn’t come to bed until 5 a.m.!
With all his free time, he doesn’t help clean or cook, and I get none of his attention. I’m not sure where I go from here. I have spoken to him about this habit, but he doesn’t see any issue because he grew up constantly playing games. I need some guidance on this issue because it’s driving a wedge in our relationship. — GAME OVER IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR GAME OVER: Dustin doesn’t see any issue with the status quo because it isn’t a problem — for him. He’s got a pretty good deal. You do the cooking and the cleaning and contribute to half the expenses, but you’re not even getting companionship.
Tell your fiance you need more from him because this isn’t what you signed up for when you moved in together. Offer him the option of couples counseling so your issues can be mediated. If he isn’t willing and this doesn’t resolve the problem, then cut your losses and move out unless you want to spend the rest of your life as a “gaming widow.”
DEAR ABBY: My middle-aged son is on the autism spectrum and has recently come back home to live with us. He left home at 19 and has always had roommates. We didn’t realize that he had autism until about a year ago.
We like having him here but are having a difficult time adjusting. My son has agreed to help with bills and contribute toward groceries, but my husband thinks we should split all expenses three ways equally. My son works in the food service industry and earns a low wage, even though he puts in 32 to 34 hours a week. He eats at work most of the time and at home only twice a week. I’m retired and live on a small Social Security check. My husband makes more than twice what my son and I make.
I think we should contribute based on our income, and I feel that my son and I should contribute 20% each toward food and other bills. Every time I try to discuss this with my husband, he gets angry and accuses me of taking advantage of him. I’m hoping we can get this resolved and move on. — DESPERATE MOM
DEAR MOM: I assume you want your son to stay with you for the long term; does your husband feel the same? Is it possible he’s being difficult about money so your son will move out again?
The phrase “on the autism spectrum” covers a wide range of needs, so I’m not in a position to weigh in on what you should expect of your son. A licensed family counselor who specializes in autism may be able to help you and your husband understand how much your son is capable of contributing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
