Feeling crushed under the never-ending family to-do list? Experts say there’s a magic phrase wives can drop to finally get hubbies to step up: “Can you take the mental lead on this one?”
According to behavioral scientist Dr. Zelana Montminy, it’s the ultimate parenting hack — no nagging, no fights, just instant load-sharing when you feel like you’re truly spent.
As the expert recently told PureWow in an interview, an “invisible load” isn’t “just about scheduling,” but rather, “holding the responsibility in your head.”
When you ask your spouse to “take the mental lead,” she said, you’re not just handing off chores — you’re handing over the wheel. It’s less about doing the dishes, more about owning the sink.
The doctor stressed that this sentence works because it changes the whole dynamic.
“It signals: I trust you to carry this, not just execute it,” she told the outlet — a subtle tweak that can lighten the mental load and actually make a husband feel like a partner on a team instead of an assistant.
Jessica Koosed Etting, founder and CEO of the family-management app Jam, also warned the publication that there’s one line every parent should banish from their vocab: “It’s easier to just do it myself.”
Turns out, that cop-out kills motivation — and guarantees you’ll be stuck doing it all again next time.
As The Post has previously reported, there are other magic phrases to toss your husband’s way — the kind that keep you feeling like teammates instead of roommates, and actually make him want to pitch in.
“If you and your partner regularly use these phrases, it’s a sign that you’re already a mentally strong couple,” Morin told CNBC Make It.
“And if you don’t yet, you can start implementing them and find that you’ll grow stronger both individually and as a unit.”
The psychotherapist says the secret sauce to a rock-solid relationship is simple: talk it out.
The more you communicate — sharing feelings, showing appreciation, and practicing empathy — the stronger your bond becomes.
And she’s got a cheat sheet of six go-to phrases every couple should have in their toolkit:
- “I’m going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear”
- “I need your support right now”
- “I never thought of things that way”
- “It’s understandable you feel that way”
- “I’m sorry for the part I’ve played in this”
- “Let’s find a solution”
As The Post also noted, psychologist and author Jeffrey Bernstein recently unvieiled three “toxic phrases” that can tank any relationship.
“When we first meet…we tend to be on our best behavior,” he explained, as per Psychology Today, “yet, way too often, over time, we let down our guard and allow ourselves to respond to our partners in ways that don’t feel good.”
If those words become routine, Bernstein warns, a relationship is likely “doomed to fail.” The big three? “You’re overreacting,” “it’s no big deal,” and “you’re too sensitive.”
Ultimately, experts say to master the magic phrases, ditch the doom words in your marriage, and suddenly that never-ending to-do list might not feel like a solo marathon — it’s a tag-team victory lap.
